In the Still of the Night

Sometimes I lay awake at night. Ok, it’s every night. Because, you know, I have self diagnosed insomnia, but anyway, the point is I lay awake at night and I think about all the things I’ve done wrong in my life. If I could go back and change it all.

Except, if I went back and changed every single thing I think I’ve ever done wrong would I be where I am today?

Would I be living in a home that I love? That I’m on my way to owning?!

Would I have a different job? A better job? No job at all?

Would my family love me? Would I love them?

Would my friends like me? Would I even have friends?

Would I have a college degree? Would I have gone to college?

Would I be healthy? Would I even be alive?

Would I be with the person I’m with?

I have no idea what the answers to these questions are and you know what? I think that’s a good thing. Even though it keeps me up night after night.

(Sometimes I stay awake and think about how crispy and delicious bacon is. Those are good nights.)

If we could actually go back and change things. If we had time machines, for example, would it really make our lives any better? Would it really make us better people? I don’t think it would make me better or my life better. Without everything I’ve done and without all the mistakes I’ve made how would I have learned anything? How would I be who I am today? I could be some crazy weirdo lady who makes rubber band balls in her spare time. I don’t want to be that lady!

So, after realizing that I may have done some things wrong along the way, I may have made some not so great decisions, and I may wish I was rich, rich, rich I finally drift off to sleep knowing that I am a happy person. I like where I’m at in my life. I love my family. I love my man. And I love bacon.

Life is good.