The Day the iPhone Died

Sunday morning I very gently placed my iPhone on a side table where side table equals inside a full glass of water.

I have now been iPhoneless for 3 days. Do you even know what that does to a person?

Not only am I now using a flip phone circa 2000, I no longer have the world at my fingertips.

What’s a girl to do when she can’t check Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, Email, all those “is there an app for that?” apps?!

She goes off grid…ish. That’s what. And maybe goes a little crazy at the same time.

So I’m writing on my blog. So I’m using a laptop connected to wifi to post my blog. So I have access to my email, Facebook, and Twitter on that laptop. Who cares? It’s not the same, I tell you!

Who seriously uses their personal computers anymore? Anyone? Because I don’t. The only time I turn mine on is to upload photos or write a blog post. I literally do every last little thing on my phone.

If I want to know who a certain celebrity from a show is I use my IMDB app. If I want to take a quick photo I use Instagram. If I want to post something snarky I hop on Twitter. If I want to know the answer to something really quick I Google it from Safari.

Seriously. What am I supposed to do with a stinkin’ flip phone circa 2000? How am I supposed to live?!

The fact that I even feel this way is quite disgusting. What happened to the days when I didn’t have a phone at all other than the rotary dial sitting on the telephone table next to my dad’s recliner? What happened to waiting in line to make a phone call because someone else in the family was using it? What happened to sitting down and reading a book or drawing a picture because being on the phone was the last thing from my mind?

I miss those days. Those days before I had some type of phone with me at all times. The days when just being in the moment was enough.

But at the same time I want my phone back. I NEED my phone back. I feel lost without it. My IMDB app is my life!

You know what else is disgusting? I feel like I’m no longer part of the iPhone Club. You know the one I’m talking about. The one that practically everyone you know is in because they too have iPhone’s so you’re never without a way to charge your beloved never has a fully charged battery connection to the world. Say you’re at Suzy Q’s house and your phone dies. No worries! She’s got a charger right there at the end of her kitchen counter! You’re golden!

Nobody has a charger for this unidentified circa 2000 flip phone. I’d bet money on it. I’m out of the club. Kicked to the curb. Sayonara loser.

I miss you iPhone. I hope we’ll be together again soon. Because you and me? We’re like orange sherbet and a waffle cone. We just make sense.











Oh, Instagram! I miss you so dang much!

In the Still of the Night

Sometimes I lay awake at night. Ok, it’s every night. Because, you know, I have self diagnosed insomnia, but anyway, the point is I lay awake at night and I think about all the things I’ve done wrong in my life. If I could go back and change it all.

Except, if I went back and changed every single thing I think I’ve ever done wrong would I be where I am today?

Would I be living in a home that I love? That I’m on my way to owning?!

Would I have a different job? A better job? No job at all?

Would my family love me? Would I love them?

Would my friends like me? Would I even have friends?

Would I have a college degree? Would I have gone to college?

Would I be healthy? Would I even be alive?

Would I be with the person I’m with?

I have no idea what the answers to these questions are and you know what? I think that’s a good thing. Even though it keeps me up night after night.

(Sometimes I stay awake and think about how crispy and delicious bacon is. Those are good nights.)

If we could actually go back and change things. If we had time machines, for example, would it really make our lives any better? Would it really make us better people? I don’t think it would make me better or my life better. Without everything I’ve done and without all the mistakes I’ve made how would I have learned anything? How would I be who I am today? I could be some crazy weirdo lady who makes rubber band balls in her spare time. I don’t want to be that lady!

So, after realizing that I may have done some things wrong along the way, I may have made some not so great decisions, and I may wish I was rich, rich, rich I finally drift off to sleep knowing that I am a happy person. I like where I’m at in my life. I love my family. I love my man. And I love bacon.

Life is good.

30 Years

Today is my 30th birthday. Happy Birthday ME!





 Here’s how I feel about it:

1. I feel the same today as I did yesterday.

2. However, I feel different today than I did one year ago, but not so different that I can really tell.

3. Did that make sense?

4. My co-workers gave me a super cute card, fresh fruit, and sang happy birthday to my old soul.





5. Actually, they sang happy birthday to me twice. Once last week and once today. I feel so special!

6. Turning 30 is a big deal.

7. I think.

8. I’m waiting for something drastic to happen.

9. Like a droopy chin.

10. Or a saggy butt.

11. So far, I’m safe.

12. My Boy Toy (am I allowed to call him that? My magic 8 ball says “signs point to yes”) is taking me to dinner tonight. Texas Roadhouse. Steak = A Happy Birthday Girl.





 13. I wonder if there are rules for being 30?

14. If so, I bet I’ve been breaking them.

15. A lot of people seem to make a “Do before I’m this “age” list,” but I didn’t do that.

16. My only goal was to buy a house and I did that aaaaaages ago.

17. Apparently, according to the entire rest of the world, I should be married and have some kids.

18. Well, I’m not and I don’t.

19. I do have a Boy Toy, though, as we established in item #12.

20. I also have furry children which totally counts, in my personal professional opinion.





 21. Are my knees going to start knocking together?

22. Is my hair going to turn completely gray overnight?

23. Am I going to start wearing high waist-ed pants?

24. Will all of my jeans magically shrink up in the leg about 5 inches?

25. Am I going to wake up to giant craters and canyons in my cheeks?

26. Am I going to get the mail from across the street with no bra on?

27. Wait! I totally already do that last one!

28. Was that TMI?

29. I’m sorry.

30.Crazy girl in the house.




30 is grand! It’s totally the new 20! I’m so young and care-free! I think I’ll go take a nap.

Insta Friday List

1. So…I’m really into procrastination.


2. I’m also really into making lists, but only on my blog.


3. Also, I’m really into saying, “Also, I’m really into.”


4. Plus, you know what else I’m really into? Cell phone pictures. Particularly Instagram, but sometimes Hipstamatic just to change it up a bit.


5. The following lovelies are brought to you by: my amazing new, white as a cloud, iPhone. We shall call her Sylvia. And my right thumb.

Currently reading. Fabulous.

De-lish-us.

Fave driving song.

Mysterious liquid?

Pretty kitty.

Just finished reading. Also fabulous.

Sylvia + Me + Instagram = TruLuv4Evr

A Happy Friday List

1. I’m really into lists right now.


2. Maybe it’s because my all time favorite blogger, The Pioneer Woman, makes lists and they always make me laugh.


3. Oh, and I only like to make lists on my blog, not in real life.


4. In real life I prefer to write on random post-its or scraps of paper or sometimes I just don’t write things down at all.


5. I found this picture when I was looking back through folders of pictures I took over the Summer. I like it. I wonder why I forgot about it? Probably because there are approximately 1,893,290.7 pictures in that folder.






6. When I work up posts on different computers the fonts are never the same. Like right now, I’m using Juice for my watermark…hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha….hahahahahahahaha….sorry, the name just really gets to my funny bone! Juice! Hahahahahahahaha! On a different computer I use Bella Donna, but it’s just not quite as funny as Juice! Hahahahahahaha!


7. Maybe I should download a font from Kevin and Amanda to use on all of my computers? In fact, I should probably send them my writing sample so I can have my own font!


8. How many computers can one girl use?!?!


9. This is one of my favorite pictures from the Summer. One I didn’t forget about, and shared on this post that had absolutely nothing to do with wine. It’s not perfect by any means, but I love its glittery fun-ness (yes, fun-ness is a word. In Amanda-ese!). I’m seriously considering framing this baby.






10. The more I think about it, the more I want to see if Amanda from Kevin and Amanda will turn my handwriting into a font. It would be so delicious!


11. Can font be delicious? Like bacon?


12. Now I’m hungry.


13. Happy Friday, all!


14. I wish you a weekend filled with fun-ness!


15. Christmas is in 73 days! Yikes! (I had to add that because ending on 14 was bothering me. You know, because I'm weird.)

A List

Today, I’m making a list. I’m not usually a list maker, but for some reason at this very moment in time I’m feeling it…the list vibe. Is this a medical condition? I don’t know, but if it is I’m sure there’s a vitamin for it.


1. I just watched Karev on Grey’s Anatomy put his grody bare feet on the table in the break room. Putting grody bare feet on tables that are not in the coffee table family is completely unacceptable in my opinion.


2. I really like to say, “in my opinion.” I think it comes from that episode of The Good Wife where that judge insisted all lawyers follow their statements with, “in my opinion.”


3. Random is a way of life and I live it to the fullest.




4. This plant is currently living on my front porch. It was one of those “at the end of the season” clearance plants. I snapped a picture of it because it was a random thing to do, and I love to be random. See #3 for more info.


5.TV commercials about feminine products, soap, body cleansers, and hemorrhoid creams really scare me. Like a lot.


6. I’m jealous of the 100ish blogs I read and their fantabulous blog designs. I aspire to be that cool one day.


7. Pan Am is seriously my new fave show. I want to be a Pan Am girl so badly I can taste it. Unfortunately, I don’t think I would fall into their ideal personal weight ranges. But being short and round is my destiny so I will embrace it. I love you Pan Am! I shall dream of you from afar…oh, and the future since I wasn’t alive in the 60s.


8. I really like to run my dishwasher at night because it’s one of the noisy kind, but I’m afraid it will spontaneously combust and I’ll miss it.




9. This is a building. A flying saucer shaped building. I took this shot when I was in Albany a couple months ago. I’m sharing it now because it’s a random thing to do, and I love to be random. See #3 for more info.


10. I love, love, love to repeat things. I think it gives what I say more emphasis. Plus, I forget stuff sometimes, and it’s a random thing to do. I love to be random. See #3 for more info.


11. Goodbye.


12. For now.

I…plunge?

Have you ever seen one of these?



I cracked up when I saw it with my dad’s birthday card from his co-workers. I’m one of his co-workers so of course, I tested it out for him. The cute little thing actually works!


As I was playing with this silly little plunger I was thinking about the time I gave myself a um…uh…a…hickey... That’s right. I said hickey. On my forehead.

What? You want to know how I not only gave myself a hickey, but I gave it to myself on my forehead? I assure you I am not a contortionist.

It all began with one of these…



Imagine me as a 13ish year old girl home alone with my little brother (who was basically a hermit and never came out of his bedroom) on a school night. I was standing in the kitchen doing great things or perhaps just staring into the fridge when I spotted a rubber half circle thing on the counter. I began to play with the half sphere. Rolling it inside out, sticking it to the counter, watching it POP up into the air, trying to catch it, and then doing it all over again, but then, oh, but then...I thought "what would happen if I stick this to my forehead? Will it still POP?"

The answer is NO.

I rolled that half circle popper thing inside out, stuck it to my forehead, and proceeded to wait for what felt like hours. I'm sure it was more like 2.7 minutes. Finally, after accepting defeat I pried that bit of silicone rubber off my forehead, laid it back on the counter, and went out to watch TV until my parents came home.

When they returned home I followed them into the kitchen where they turned to look at me and just stared. After a few seconds my dad said, "what the heck is on your forehead?! Is that a hickey?! How did you get a HICKEY on your FOREHEAD?! Hahahahahahahaha!!!" I looked at him like a crazy person and then ran to the bathroom. Sure enough, there was a perfect, circle shaped purple bruise right smack in the middle of my forehead.

That ugly thing was there for a whole day. A whole day of school.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why you shouldn't stick suctiony circly things to your forehead.

I haven't tried it with the iPlunge so let me know how that one goes. :-)

Beware the Fine Print

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away. Or down the street. In an apartment. Where I used to live. A girl who was probably me would sit at her desk in front of her laptop and browse EBay. For hours. And hours. And hours.

Many, many purchases were made from EBay over a number of years and they were all very, very important. Who doesn’t need a Coca-cola ceiling fan?

A few years later, the girl, I mean me...I mean I moved across town. EBay was no longer the great taker upper of time that it had once been, but was still looked at quite often when something new and grand came on the market. Like Harry Potter on DVD. Not just Harry Potter on DVD, but the first Harry Potter box set that contained years 1 through 3.

EBay was and probably still is a fabulous place to buy these types of things because someone somewhere would have the exact thing on my wish list for little monies. I like it when things cost little monies.

The thing is, you gotta read the fine print! When you see Harry Potter box set ONLY $12 plus shipping!!! don't get so excited that you immediately put in your bid, win, and then wait patiently for the treasure to come in the mail only to find out it's in CHINESE without reading the fine print.

Seriously.

Or you’ll open the mail and see this.



Yay! Harry Potter! EBay is the BEST!


But then…



Yep…that’s Chinese…I think.


But, I didn’t see any of this until I saw it on the screen.



Oh yeah…it gets better.

 You would think I would have noticed it when I had the disc in my hand, but no.



It’s a good thing there’s a "Turn off the Subtitles" button on my DVD player remote because I’m way too lazy to replace these babies.

After I opened this treasure and started watching them and then sat staring at my TV with my mouth hanging open I went to my laptop, logged onto EBay, and sure enough I had bid, won, and paid for Harry Potter with Chinese subtitles for my viewing pleasure. Hey! I could always learn a new language!

Confession From a TP Queen

I really like this picture. Because it's glittery and it has an owl on it and that Pinot was DEE-LISH-US.

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm going to write about today, but I like it so I'm sharing. Seriously? Who wouldn't like glittery owl Pinot's?



I have a confession to make.

I know I've already told you on many occasions that I'm quite weird. Well, what I'm about to tell is going to make you believe with every fiber of your bean...I mean being that I'm the weirdest person ever.

I am a toilet paper snob.

There, I said it.

I'm a snotty, snotty, snob when it comes to toilet paper. I mean seriously snobby. So much so that I've considered on more than one occasion carrying my own roll in my purse.

{Side Note} - Speaking of my purse...

Is this not one of the most gorgeous specimens of the purse family you have ever seen? This, folks, is my very first Kate Spade (sitting with a peach bellini slushy thingy that was quite tasty). I named her Delilah as soon as I took her out of the box. She just called to me, "Delilah, call me Delilah."

Jesse and Stephanie gave her to me as a Maid of Honor gift. All I've got to say about that is they give some rockin' gifts! Wowza!

Oh, and thank you, thank you, thank you times a million, trillion, gazillion!!! I love you girls!

Delilah's guts. Just as gorgeous as her skin. And so flawless too. I wonder if she moisturizes?


I'm such a digresser.

Ok, so back to my toilet paper snobbery.

I really want to carry a roll in my purse, but they're just so big, you know? Since I can't possibly carry around some huge old roll of TP I use what's out there as painful as it is. I mean this literally. Who invented TP that's about as soft as a piece of sandpaper? And who invented that stuff that's so thin and crisp it's like tissue paper used for wrapping gifts? In fact, I should start buying that stuff for wrapping, it would definitely be cheaper.

Anyway, I only purchase one brand and I never ever, ever, ever deviate. Quilted Northern. It's the bomb (do people still say that?). Not too soft, not too crispy. It's just right. I also use it as Kleenex because I'm way too cheap to buy a box of the stuff. Besides QN has the perfect softness and strength for nose blowing.

But here's the deal...last week when I was in New York, everywhere I went had thin and crispy TP! It was like a plague. I didn't know what to do. It was rough, I tell you! I tried blowing my nose with that stuff and I'm pretty sure I got a paper cut in my nostril, and we all know how I feel about paper cuts.

I'm so happy to be home with my QNTP (Quilted Northern Toilet Paper for those of you who haven't been paying attention) I can't even explain the happiness I feel or that my nostril feels. It's priceless, really.

I have to say, though, that I still love my New Yorkians...New Yorkers...Yorkiteers? Whatever. I love each and every one of them. Well, the handful that I actually know. What I'm trying to say is yes, I'm a TP snob, but I won't hold the crispy stuff against them. Especially since they gave me Delilah.

Another unrelated photo to help you clear your mind of images of my nostril getting a paper cut.

I have no clue what happened here. I held up a wine glass to a window, I was way to close with my 50mm lens, I released the shutter, and BAM! Crazy, weird, super cool, glittery, blurry, strange wine glass art. I think I'll keep it.

Oh, Snap! A Friday Edition

Geez Louise (where does that phrase originate, I wonder?) could I possibly procrastinate any more than I already do? I set myself one simple little rule to follow and I can't even do that.

But the good news is, I think I know what my problem is.

1. I'm lazy.
2. I'm lazy.
3. I'm lazy.

Are you sensing a theme? Seriously, I'm so lazy these days I'm surprised I'm not starting to resemble a sloth. Crazily enough, even though I'm the epitome of lazy I've been getting quite a lot done at my house.

I've hung pictures down my hallway for my family collage wall. I don't know why exactly, but I don't put pictures of people in my every day living spaces. I have a few in the guest room, but other than that, they're all in the hallway.

I've made a birthday gift for a 2 year old little girl and wedding shower gift for Jesse. I'll post pictures after I give them. I wouldn't want any prying eyes to see them early.

I've also finally got my kitchen the way I want it...I think. I found this awesome metal rolling cart in my grandparents garage. It's the perfect size to fit at the end of my cabinets to hold my cookbooks. I painted it Krylon's Hosta Green and it's magnificent. I'll post a before and after picture of it later because well, I'm lazy and I don't have the pictures on my computer yet.

Oh! I also framed and hung my drawings from my art class in high school. They're nothing spectacular because I am not an artist, but they've always held a special place in my heart and I figured if I've kept them this long I might as well display them.

Anyway, back to my procrastination. I've managed, again, to completely miss Oh, Snap! Wednesday and this time I'm even more late than last time. Also, this time I'm only going to post one picture. It's so incredibly disturbing to me that it must stand on it's own.

Without further ado...

I almost have no words. Seriously. Why? Why did someone invent this? Why did someone find it necessary to point out the fact that if you buy this you won't have to bend down to wash your feet?

I'm so deeply disturbed by this I practically faint every time I look at it. Never in all my days have I ever even thought about the fact that I bend down to wash my feet. It's just something I do.

The Things I See

I know I've promised to tell you why I want to visit Ireland so badly, but I'm not going to do that today.

I know I've told you I'll tell you about the "sauce," but I'm not going to do that today either.

I'm not even going to tell you about the horrible thought I couldn't get out of my head that kept me awake half the night. I'll save that doozy for another day.

I can't tell you anything about these things today because I simply MUST speak of what I saw when I went in to my bank this afternoon. It was quite appalling. And creepy. And I couldn't keep my eyes off of it.

It was a man.

With tiger stripes.

On his face.

At first when I walked up to the teller counter I noticed he had a lot of tattoos on his arms, but not being one to really care all that much about tattoos I took a peek and then proceeded to stare at the ceiling, but then out of the corner of my eye I saw him turn to the side. I could not believe what I was seeing! Right there all over this mans face were tiger stripes. Navy blue tiger stipes at that. Not only were his arms covered in tattoos, but his entire face was as well. I wanted to take a picture, but I thought that might be rude so I just stared at him instead. I'm so polite.

I would like to say I'm not judgemental and I don't have one single problem with this dude's face "art," but I can't. I don't get it. I really don't get it. Why would anyone want to tattoo their face?! It's permanent. What if the tattoo artist messes up and you have a picture of 3 legged leprechaun flipping the bird on your cheek for life? Or what if you want the old standby "I <3 Mom" on your forehead and the artist puts "I <3 Moom" instead? Embarrassing. Truly embarrassing.

I can't even imagine sitting still while someone is coming at my face with a needle. I have a hard enough time with eyedrops and those aren't sharp!

And then after all that staring I did, I couldn't even cash the check I took in there because someone...ahem, Jesse...wrote "Designs" after my name so it looked like the check was made out to a business which I don't have. But, had I not gone in there to cash that check I never would have seen tiger face.

I wish I would have had the guts to say Rawr! Nice stripes!

Ok...I wouldn't have said that, but still, I stared. I stared a lot.

Looking Up

And I don't mean literally looking up, like toward the sky. Oh, wait, yes I do.

Until today, I never realized just how short I am! I thought I was average in every way except for my extraordinary awesomeness.

After class today I went to Subway for a bit of lunch. I like to stop at the one by my office which is also frequented by many OSU athletes. I don't know if you know this, but athletes are TALL. Well, maybe all of them aren't TALL, but the ones I see in Subway are always really, really, really TALL. So, today, I walk in there and there is an extremely, hugely, massively TALL male basketball player in line in front of me. I look up 37 feet from where my eye level is to see his face while he orders. I like to watch the expressions on people's faces while they think about what they want to eat. It's funny. He has his nose all scrunched up in deep thought like it is the most difficult decision in the world to choose that ham and cheddar sandwich.

And then, the door chimes. Nosey person that I am, I turn to look. You will not believe how TALL this person is! A girl, another basketball player, comes walking in and she is even TALLER than the guy in front of me. I'm surprised my jaw doesn't hit the floor from shock. I have literally never seen someone who is 43 feet tall before. In my life. Ever. Seriously. She is TALL, man.

I'm standing there between these two extraordinarily TALL people, and I'm thinking to myself...

Daaaaang, I'm short.

Shaken, Not Stirred

Soooo, there was an earthquake in the good ole OK this morning! Craziness, I know! I mean, yes, we do have those darn twisters swirling around all the time causing most of us to run for our hidey holes, but earthquakes we can actually feel are practically unheard of. I must say I'm happy I don't live somewhere where earthquakes are prominent because my chair rolling around my desk with me in it was just a bit too creepy for this girl...