June 23, 2011

Confession From a TP Queen

I really like this picture. Because it's glittery and it has an owl on it and that Pinot was DEE-LISH-US.

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm going to write about today, but I like it so I'm sharing. Seriously? Who wouldn't like glittery owl Pinot's?

I have a confession to make.

I know I've already told you on many occasions that I'm quite weird. Well, what I'm about to tell is going to make you believe with every fiber of your bean...I mean being that I'm the weirdest person ever.

I am a toilet paper snob.

There, I said it.

I'm a snotty, snotty, snob when it comes to toilet paper. I mean seriously snobby. So much so that I've considered on more than one occasion carrying my own roll in my purse.

{Side Note} - Speaking of my purse...

Is this not one of the most gorgeous specimens of the purse family you have ever seen? This, folks, is my very first Kate Spade (sitting with a peach bellini slushy thingy that was quite tasty). I named her Delilah as soon as I took her out of the box. She just called to me, "Delilah, call me Delilah."

Jesse and Stephanie gave her to me as a Maid of Honor gift. All I've got to say about that is they give some rockin' gifts! Wowza!

Oh, and thank you, thank you, thank you times a million, trillion, gazillion!!! I love you girls!

Delilah's guts. Just as gorgeous as her skin. And so flawless too. I wonder if she moisturizes?

I'm such a digresser.

Ok, so back to my toilet paper snobbery.

I really want to carry a roll in my purse, but they're just so big, you know? Since I can't possibly carry around some huge old roll of TP I use what's out there as painful as it is. I mean this literally. Who invented TP that's about as soft as a piece of sandpaper? And who invented that stuff that's so thin and crisp it's like tissue paper used for wrapping gifts? In fact, I should start buying that stuff for wrapping, it would definitely be cheaper.

Anyway, I only purchase one brand and I never ever, ever, ever deviate. Quilted Northern. It's the bomb (do people still say that?). Not too soft, not too crispy. It's just right. I also use it as Kleenex because I'm way too cheap to buy a box of the stuff. Besides QN has the perfect softness and strength for nose blowing.

But here's the deal...last week when I was in New York, everywhere I went had thin and crispy TP! It was like a plague. I didn't know what to do. It was rough, I tell you! I tried blowing my nose with that stuff and I'm pretty sure I got a paper cut in my nostril, and we all know how I feel about paper cuts.

I'm so happy to be home with my QNTP (Quilted Northern Toilet Paper for those of you who haven't been paying attention) I can't even explain the happiness I feel or that my nostril feels. It's priceless, really.

I have to say, though, that I still love my New Yorkians...New Yorkers...Yorkiteers? Whatever. I love each and every one of them. Well, the handful that I actually know. What I'm trying to say is yes, I'm a TP snob, but I won't hold the crispy stuff against them. Especially since they gave me Delilah.

Another unrelated photo to help you clear your mind of images of my nostril getting a paper cut.

I have no clue what happened here. I held up a wine glass to a window, I was way to close with my 50mm lens, I released the shutter, and BAM! Crazy, weird, super cool, glittery, blurry, strange wine glass art. I think I'll keep it.

1 comment:

  1. HA HAHAHAHHA! Sorry our TP was so awful! But I have a solution for you!! For when we go hiking, we have mini TP rolls! Maybe you can craft yourself up a small QNTP roll?!?!?

    PS- I super loved all the random pics in this post!