April 12, 2011

Slice and Dice

The other night I was having a terrible time going to sleep. Actually, this is a nightly problem for me. Perhaps I shouldn't have that hot cup of java before I lay down? Wait...I don't drink coffee. Maybe I should stop watching scary movies right before I turn off all of the lights for the night? Wait...I only watch scary movies in the daytime and that's rare. Or I could shut off the light switch that runs my brain? That would work...if I could find that switch. Is there a brain shutter offer switch installer in the yellow pages? I'll check into it.

So, this not being able to fall asleep thing is typical, but the other night was not at all typical. Not only could I not go to sleep, but each and every time I closed my eyes I could visibly see myself getting a paper cut.

On my eyeball.


I despise paper cuts. I would go so far as to say I'm afraid of paper cuts. Similar to my fear of glass, the thought of being on the receiving end of a paper cut or having to hear about a paper cut makes me cringe. Literally. My face scrunches up and I try to fold my body in on itself. It's a real fear people. I'm sure of it. I bet it's in all the important science books.

It's probably called something like... paper cut phobia. I was really creative on that name, huh?

Wait! I just found this phobia website and it's given me hope that I'm not a freak!

Here are the names for my glass phobia: Hyelophobia, Hyalophobia or Nelophobia

Unfortunately, for my self esteem, there isn't one for paper cut phobia, but there's one for paper: Papyrophobia which I will now modify and make my own so I can feel whole again. I don't speak Latin, but I used an online translation thing and it says the word for cut is: incidere so I will now attempt to combine it with Papyrophobia to create my new word.

Do not look away from your screens. This will only take a few seconds and you should come through the episode with your brains fully intact and your tray tables in their upright and locked positions.




Whew! That was hard. I might need to take a break after that. Kidding, kidding! Of course, I have no idea how to pronounce Papyroinciderephobia, but I'm going with it. It makes me feel like a whole new person to have a name to go along with my ridiculous fear.

Until next time...beware the paper. It's sharper than it looks...

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