December 31, 2010

Ringin' in the New

On a side note before I regale everyone with my infinite wisdom, I would just like to say that everytime my laptop makes it's funny little "boop" noise it just makes me giggle!

And since I obviously just heard my laptop make the "boop" noise for it to be so prominent in my mind, then you now know that I'm sitting at home twiddling my thumbs, reading books, watching lame-o movies, surfing the net, and yeah, I did some vacuuming earlier rather than going out to some big ole NYE shindig.

On another side note, I have a really hard time using NYE rather than New Year's Eve because I have to stop and think about what it stands for every single time I see it. Ha!

Anyway, I digress, so I'm sitting here at home. Just me and the cats. Now, don't get me wrong, I was invited to a game night with a good friend and her family, but unfortunately they came down with what she likes to call the "P & P," and I'll let you figure that one out all on your own. Needless to say (why do people say needless to say if it is in fact needless?) the game night was cancelled. I'm totally cool with that seeing as how my big NYE plan before the invite had been to sit at home with the cats and watch the Pick-a-flick marathon on LMN anyway, but the movies are L-A-M-E, lame! I'm not saying that Lifetime movies are Oscar nominees in the waiting on a good day, but come on! It's New Year's Eve! They could have at least put on some good ones that weren't made in the 80's! Not that things made in the 80's are all bad. I, myself, am a product of the 80's...(what is it with me and the side notes???)

Alas, I am still watching Lifetime, but I'm watching the regular channel and they're playing Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants which I've seen 5 times, but whatev. I'm thinking about putting in Eat, Pray, Love which Santa was kind enough to bring me for Christmas, but I'm feeling so antsy, I don't know if I can sit still long enough to watch it. I know, I know, you're thinking: "Amanda, aren't you watching a movie anyway?" Well, yes, but it's just on tv so I can get up to be a crazy whenever I please and yes, I realize I can do the same with a DVD after they invented that new-fangled rewind button, but I guess I feel some sort of obligation to sit through a movie without a break if it's on DVD. Man, I am weird!!

Ok, maybe I should wrap this up before I write a 12 page blog on how lame-o I am! So, let's recap: it's New Year's Eve, I'm sitting at home, with my cats, watching Lifetime, debating about whether or not I'm hungry (I threw something new in there for you to keep it spicy!) and honestly? I couldn't be happier. I love my life even if I do refer to it as lame, and I'm really looking forward to what life throws my way in 2011. I just hope it's nothing slimy...

December 28, 2010

Days Gone By

I really can't believe there are only 4 days left in 2010! This year was a big one for me. Even though I'm still single (much to the disappointment of my mother) and I still only have cats for children (also to the disappointment of my mother) and I still haven't graduated college (I think everyone has moved beyond disappointed on that front) I've still done great things this year. The greatest being buying a house! I've talked about house hunting/buying for a few years, but never really thought I would be able to do it especially since it's just me with a single income. I mean, come on, buying a house is a HUGE expense, and I don't make the HUGE bucks, but with help from my family and the support of them and my friends, I did it, and I couldn't be happier. I love just being in my house. It's almost like it's not just a home, but a part of my family. Ha!

I really need to add some landscaping...
 Also, this year, I have completed another semester of school (by the skin of my teeth...whew!) so that I now have 12 hours left before I'm (FINALLY!!) a graduate. I can't wait to be handed that diploma, and I'm so gonna frame it in the biggest, most obnoxious frame I can find. Heck, I might just dedicate a whole wall to it!

Another thing I've done, and this one was late in the year, but it still happened in 2010 so it totally counts is that I've chosen to make a lifestyle change which mostly involves making healthy choices. I, along with my mom and Tienna, joined Weight Watchers at Work (which I've done before, but at the time I wasn't ready to change my life for the better so it didn't stick). WW is an amzing program because it gives you the opportunity to choose. Diets have always depressed me because I feel like I'm being forced to eat leaves and grain all the time, and I feel like I can't ever have anything yummy. With WW I'm given a daily points target and everything has a points value so I get to come up with my own menu, and if I want to spend more than half my daily points on chocolate cake, I can because that's the choice I made that day. Now, does that mean I'll have to eat a ton of veggies so I won't starve the rest of the day? Yes, but sometimes, a gooey, drippy slice of chocolate cake is so totally worth it!

Well, I've only listed 3 things, but to me they were a big deal, and I'm sure if I thought about it, I've done way more, but I don't think anything will beat my top 3. :-) I hope 2011 is just as amazing for me as 2010 has been, and I hope it's awesome for everyone else as well!

Happy (almost) New Year!!

Up on the Rooftop

I must say that Christmas was truly amazing this year. I was able to see most of my family, we had a DELICIOUS dinner, AND Santa brought me a bike!!! I totally felt like a little girl again as I walked into the living room on Christmas morning and saw that bright and shiny brand spanking new red and white Schwinn sitting there with my name all over it! I'm sure the grin on my face could have lit up the world. :-D

Wooo Eeee!!!

Unfortunately, my brother and grandma had come down with some type of stomach bug on Christmas Eve, but they still made it out to the house for Christmas day. They were just moving a bit slow, poor dears. Anyway, I'm glad they made it because Christmas with just me, mom, dad, Milton, Rowdy, and Gipper would have felt super odd.

Mom and I even went a little bit Southern with our dessert. Ha! We made Paula Deen's Not Yo Mamma's Banana Pudding. It was quite tasty, but I wasn't paying attention to the recipe so I used too much milk which caused it to be a bit soupy. Oh well, I still ate it!

Milton (he only looks sweet...)

I can't wait till next year! Only 362 shopping days left!

December 21, 2010

Gold Star!

I'm so proud of myself! I figured out how to add a signature to this thing! Woot! So, in honor of my new found knowledge I am giving myself a gold star! :-)

December 17, 2010

Bring on the...Old? What?

So, I thought since I don't use my Myspace anymore (does anyone???) that I would look at the blogs I had written on there one last time before I delete the account. Well, I must say they were some interesting reading so I'm going to copy them over here for the sake of posterity, and well, because I like reading them. :-) There are only 5 of them, and the one I was really after is the first one where I talked about possibly starting a story called "The Jane Chronicles." I've thought about writing a few times over the years, but have never gotten around to it so I thought maybe now I'd get around to it. Enjoy the blast from my past!

And, maybe I'll start actually writing about Jane soon...

Meet Jane

Mar 25, 2009

So, I'm sitting here in my living room procrastinating as usual, and I asked myself what I could do that would be a better use of my time than writing my English paper that is due tomorrow! What?! I know! It's terrible...I'm sure I'll regret not starting it sooner when I get my grade, but I just can't get here I am writing, a blog no less, instead of my paper which is supposed to be over white privilege. What was I thinking when I picked that as a topic? I'll tell you what I was thinking...I was thinking...why would I write about college drinking when I can write about racism? No brainer, right? Oh, geez, I'm seriously going to lose my mind before this night is over. FYI, I fear I am comma happy, so you'll just have to deal if you are actually reading this. Anywho, I am completely off topic! I'm supposed to be telling you what I could be doing that is a better use of my time than doing my homework...well, my best friend in all the land has been bugging, harassing, and annoying the crap out of me to start writing. For whatever reason that is only known to her she thinks people would actually enjoy reading what I have to say! So, here I am, considering writing a little something in a blog for your reading pleasure which I feel is a much better use of my time than furthering my education. *Gasp*

Let's begin, shall we? I've been toying around with some ideas for what I should write. Should I just write about my life and all the strangeness that happens in it everyday or should I actually take a stab at some fiction action and build a character, and let's be honest, we all know this fictional character will be me in disguise with a different name! I may have a vivid imagination, but I seriously doubt I could dream up an entire person and tell their life story...except that I have already dreamed up the perfect man who doesn't exist so maybe I could invent a woman. Oh well, whatever, the point is I've been throwing around this idea and that idea and I just can't decide. I do, however, have a name for my fictional female. I shall call her Jane and her story shall be called The Jane Chronicles, but unfortunately that is as far as I've gotten. Sad, I know. And here you all thought you were going to get to read something really good! Haha! Seriously, though, have you ever tried to write a story? This is hard work! Just thinking about it makes my brain hurt a little. Should Jane be young or old, skinny or fat, dumb or smart, blonde or brunette? Should she be lucky in love or money? I don't know! See what I mean? There are just too many choices! This is why Jane will most likely be some sort of depiction of myself, but even then I don't know where to start. Should I start with the present and have flashbacks or should I start in the past and work my way forward? This is rough guys, really rough! So, I hope that when I do finally put The Jane Chronicles into motion that you will not be disappointed, and in the meantime I hope you enjoyed reading about my procrastination.

Basketball Anyone?

Mar 27, 2009

I'm back! Don't get too excited, though, Jane is still living safely inside my head. I just thought since it's Friday night and I'm sitting at home alone watching KU stomp the crap out of Michigan State! that I would get in a little blogging action.

 Oh, man! Half time! Holla! I'm loving this game! Wow, that was a lot of exclamation points, but what can I say? The Jayhawks have turned my shit-tastical week around! :-) Now, if only The Zags could pull it together and get ahead of UNC, my life would be complete...for the moment.

I was recently told that I have an eloquent way with my words and wisdom which I'm sorry to say is part of the reason we are not meeting Jane tonight. Because, now I am nervous. What if I write something and it's terrible? Eloquence is a lot to live up to, and I've never claimed to be wise, but don't worry, I will try, just not today. Plus, I'm totes worried about this snow business. I'm not at all excited about seeing snow this late in March, and I'm not sure my wonderfully beautiful new car, Fiona, will like it either. We may just have to stay home all day tomorrow. I have already given up the bar tonight for staying home where it's warm to watch basketball, but it's not all bad because KU is making it damn entertaining! So, here I am Rock Chalk Jayhawking and worrying about all the homework I need to get done this weekend while hoping that I don't get snowed in. I've lost my motivation for school and need to get it back desperately. I have also let "life" cross the line I keep between school and everything else which is not good, not good at all. I only have six weeks left before the end of the semester so I must get my head back in the game! Does anyone hear a little Zefron singing Getcha Head in the Game when I say that? I do! Haha!

I'm not gonna lie guys I'm really involved in this b-ball game right now which is why this blog is a little...jumpy? I'm rapidly becoming irritated and screaming at the t.v. Those boys need to slow down, way down and think about what they are doing and take this game back! It's really funny to me when I yell at my t.v. and the announcer says the exact same thing I just said when I don't know a thing about sports! I must be a natural!  Tied at 53...I really need this to be a Jayhawk game or my dad will beat my bracket and I will never hear the end of it! He already reminds me everyday that he knows everyting. Puh-lease! I stopped falling for that ages ago. Besides, I know everything!

I am literally going to have a heart attack! I cannot handle this pressure! Come on Kansas!

*Sigh* Kansas let me down...big time, but there's always next year and don't think I won't pick them again!

Dreaming of What Could Be

Apr 5, 2009

Do you ever sit and wonder why? Why you are where you are? Why you're doing what you're doing? Why you dress that way? Why you fix your hair like that? Why you turned left instead of right? I often find myself wondering why. Everyday I ask myself why I wake up and go to work. I ask myself why I'm still in school. Why didn't I finish in four years like I was supposed to? Why do I live here? Why am I so tired all the time? Why did I buy a new car instead of starting a savings plan? Why don't I have a savings plan anyway? What will I do when I finish school? Will I keep working where I'm at or am I going to take that leap and do something completely outside my box and look for a new job in a new place? I also wonder if there is something I was born to do, born to be, and I just haven't figured it out yet. Am I meant to be a successful business woman? Am I meant to find love and happiness and build a family? Am I meant to be alone forever always being that friend who everyone comes to when they need advice? I honestly don't know who or what I am supposed to be. I don't feel like I was born to be anything specific. I think I'm good at my job only because I've been doing it for nine years. I think I'm decent at school only because I've been doing it for nine years. I am absolutely terrified beyond belief of finding someone I could lose my heart to and share my life with. I am absolutely terrified of being responsible for another life besides my own.

I suppose I should be happy for what I have and what I am capable of, but I am not always happy. I feel like there is something missing in my life, and I look everywhere and I just can't seem to find it. I wake up each day excited to see what it will bring and then I remember where I'm going and how I have to spend my time and my excitement flickers out like the flame on a candle. I want more, you see. I want the fairytale romance. I want the big, happy family. I want the "honey, I'm home," and all it implies. I want the fights and the arguments and the making up. I want the "mommy, I love you's." I want the middle of the night fevers and the precious little heads laying against my heart knowing instinctively that I will always take care of them. As afraid as I am of having the responsibility and as hard as it will be to give up all the freedom I currently have this is what I find myself looking My family.

For now, I'm content to fill my time with work, school, friends, books, and a thousand craft projects, but someday, I want my dream to come true. I want to live my fairytale. So, until that day comes I will continue to wonder why. Why am I here? Why do we lose those we love? Why do things never work out the way you plan? Why did that person at the grocery store stare at me the whole time I was there? Why do people insist on cutting me off when I am following the speed limit like they should be? Why was I not born with the voice of an angel so I could sing without causing people to go deaf? Why is everybody suddenly "green" when they probably should have been all along? Why does my cat destroy everything he can get his teeth on? Why do I procrastinate so much when I could just get it done now? Why...?

These are My People

Apr 21, 2009

Yes, people, I'm at work and therefore should be working and not blogging, but what can I say? I'm a rebel!

I've recently come to realize the old lady who wouldn't die from a recent episode of Grey's Anatomy made a good point when she said "people are better than no people." We can surround ourselves with people or we can be the loner, but at the end of the day when all is calm and quiet don't you want to know there is someone waiting on your call? Don't you want to know there is someone wishing you were there to make them laugh or smile? I can honestly say that 99.9% of the time I am 100% happy being me and who I am, but when darkness falls and the lights go out I start to wonder...will I always eat alone, read alone, relax alone, sleep alone, do everything alone? So, I ask myself, should I gather up people to surround myself with because people are better than no people? The answer, for me anyway, is no. I feel quality means so much more than quantity, and what I lack in numbers I gain in character. Because I feel this way, I've had to make some hard choices over the years to let people go. I never forget them, but they are no longer a part of my everyday living. Sometimes, I am just better off physically and mentally if I walk away from someone who is hurting me even though I may not want to. At the end of the day, I have to do what is best for me, and all I can hope for is that I made a difference in that persons life.

I don't ask for much, but I do ask that I receive the same caring and consideration from "my people" that I give them. I take the feelings of all "my people" to heart and therefore, even though I do believe people are better than no people, for my own sanity, I must add restrictions when the phrase pertains to my life and who I choose to surround myself with. That being all "my people," I love you dearly and I thank you for making my life what it is.

Who am I?

May 21, 2009

So, after I woke up from my impromptu nap yesterday evening, I made my way down to Murphy's for a little drinking and pool with the guys. While there I had a conversation, if you can call it that, with a drunken man (who I would normally refer to as my friend, but after last night and his drunken rambling I don't know) about who I am. Keep in mind, the drunken man, we'll call him Mr. J, was telling me who I am not the other way around which would make more sense. You would think it would be me telling people who I am since I am me, but no. Anywho, Mr. J informed me that I hide my true feelings from others by cracking jokes, I see people how I want them to be and not how they truly are, I want to be in a relationship with someone who is willing to give as much as I am, I don't give people a chance to be more to me than what I want them to be, I am loyal, I may be able to keep my true feelings about something that's bothering me to myself, but eventually I have to confront it because I am honest, and before he could tell me more I left. Then, today I was reiterating all of this to my mother who informed me I see everything through rose colored glasses and am crushed with disappointment when I take them off. Can you believe it? My own mother! Well, I feel after receiving this not so needed information about myslef I should break it down and tell everyone how it really is. The "real" me if you will.

1: I hide my true feelings from others by cracking jokes...Here's what I think about this. Yes, I crack jokes, but who doesn't? When I feel uncomfortable in a situation and I don't want to hurt someones feelings I make a joke to gently extract myself from the situation. Should I be mean and say, excuse me, stop talking to me? I suppose I should, but being intentionally mean is not in my nature. I feel like I have to be nice even if it's hurting me. I worry about other people's feelings more than my own sometimes, and maybe that's not the best thing for me all the time, but that's me.

2: I see people how I want them to be and not how they truly are...Well, Mr. J may have been fairly correct when he said this one, but the thing is I see the best in people. No matter your flaws, no matter if you have treated me like crap more times than you have treated me like a queen, no matter what, I am going to see the best in you until I am forced to see otherwise. I truly believe people are good so if you aren't a good person then I'm going to believe you are until, most likely, you have crushed my heart causing me to believe otherwise. Some might call it naiviete, but I prefer to call it believing in the greater good.

3: I want to be in a relationship with someone who is willing to give as much as I am...Ok, so once again Mr. J was close with this one too. Seriously, though, who doesn't want to be in that kind of relationship? Why would anyone want to be in a relationship that is all give, give, give, or take, take, take?

4: I don't give people a chance to be more to me than what I want them to be...Here's the deal with this lovely tidbit, it's true. After so much disappointment I'm not as gung ho about letting people into my life as I once was. I make up my mind about something or someone and I stick to it. Plus, only I know how much of my time I want to give to someone. I am sorry if you think you have feelings for me and want to spend time with me, but if I have made up my mind there is no changing it. I'm not going to settle for anything less than what I think I deserve.

5: I am loyal...this is true. If you are my friend, if you are in my life, I am loyal to you to a fault. I will defend you to the death until you give me a reason not to.

6: I may be able to keep my true feelings about something that's bothering me to myself, but eventually I have to confront it because I am honest...This too is true. When something is bothering me it eats at me until I have to talk about it in order to free my mind.

Last, but certainly not least 7: I see everything through rose colored glasses and am crushed with disappointment when I clean them off...I don't really believe this. I think I see what people put out there for me to see, and yes, I'm crushed when what they put out there for me to see was nothing but a lie.

So, the "real" me is this: a twenty-something girl who is independent, but still depends on her family occasionally. A girl who loves to laugh and make others laugh with her. A girl whose heart aches when she sees others in pain. A girl who is happy being herself. A girl who is happy being alone. A girl who can spend hours doing absolutely nothing and be content. A girl who doesn't always notice what is going on around her because she is living the story going on in her head that day. A girl who is loyal to those who are loyal to her. Just a girl...a girl who may be all of the above, but at the end of the day I am just a girl who wants all the same things as every other girl. A happy life with family and friends who love me as much as I love them.