Party in My Pants!

Literally!

No, I'm serious. There's a party going on down there. It's a party for my new, skinner B-U-T-T because today I reached my 10% weight loss goal in Weight Watcher's. Yippy!

I'm really proud of myself and all of my WW buddies. We work really hard to eat better and just be better so that we can be healthier, happier people. We're rockstars! And this rockstar is shakin' her booty!

I would post a picture, but I'm not that much of a contortionist. Ha!

I know, you're thinking to yourself, "but didn't you take that picture of the cat on your butt?" Well, yes, I did, but I was able to do that because my arm is twisty not because I can bend like a rubber band. Although, it would be interesting if I could bend like a rubber band. I should look into that. Do you think there's a pill?

Raw vs. Rare

Last Thursday I had to give a presentation in my Business Communication class which I despise in case you were wondering, but I only have 6 hours of school left after this semester so I'll just suck it up. My presentation was over hotels using social media, specifically how Marriott uses Twitter to interact with past, present, and future guests. Sounds interesting, right? Yeah, I know...it's not that interesting, but lie, ok? It will make me feel better.

Anyway, our teacher had told us that we needed to open with something "attention grabbing." So, I thought back in my life to something that happened to me at a hotel that has stuck with me, and I thought, "Yes! I can tell that story about how I ate a raw hamburger AGAIN and my classmates can't do anything about it! They can't get up and leave the room. They have to sit there and endure it. Yes, yes, yes!"

And now, because I love this story sooooooooo much I'm going to tell it again. Ha!

It was 1993 and I was 10 years old. My grandparents were taking me to Disney World. I was pumped. I wasn't thrilled about flying so much, though. Since the first time I flew I've thought planes were destined to crash no matter what and I fear for my life each time I step foot on one. Plus, they plug up my ears so I feel like I'm in a windy tunnel for hours. Ok, so, I wasn't thrilled about flying, but I did it and when we arrived in Florida we went to our hotel where that night we ate at the hotel restaurant. I, being a 10 year old, ordered a cheeseburger. What else would a 10 year old girl order? A steak? Lobster? No way! That's fancy pantsy stuff!

I'm sitting at the table next to my grandma and all around us are the people we had travelled to Florida with. They were all older and I was the only child. Talk about awkward. And then all of a sudden the waiter brings me my delicious, oh so amazing cheeseburger! My mouth was watering with utter and complete joy. I couldn't wait to take that first bite. It was going to be the BEST cheeseburger EVER! But then...

I thought, "this cheeseburger tastes funny, and it feels funny on my tongue, and something just isn't right..."

I looked down at my delicious, oh so amazing cheeseburger and it was RAW!!!

I said, "Grandma! Grandma!" All the while she's shushing me because she doesn't want me to cause what she calls a "stink" in front of all of her friends. Finally, she pays attention to me and looks down at my raw, bloody, barely cooked cheeseburger, and what does she do? Nothing. She wouldn't let me complain or say anything. My poor little 10 year old self was devestated. No delicious, oh so amazing cheeseburger for this girl on that day.

For years after that incident I refused to eat meat if it had even a hint of pink. I was convinced it was raw no matter what. My dad would argue with me and say, "Amanda, there is a big difference between hamburger and steak. Hamburger should barely be pink when cooked, but steak is not worth eating if it's brown all the way through." I would say, "But, Da-ad, it's RAW." To which, he would say, "No, it's rare." Eventually, my taste buds whipped me into shape and made me realize that well done steak is just sick and wrong and I now eat a good steak cooked to a nice medium rare, but that raw cheeseburger has stuck with me for 18 years. And I'll probably still be telling the story another 18 years from now.

You know what else I'll still tell in 18 years? During the same trip to Disney World, the day we went to visit the Epcot Center, I saw a young boy get run over by a double decker bus. I didn't see how it happened, but I told everyone who would listen that his dad pushed him in front of it. Can you believe that?! What kind of horrible child was I that I would blame someone I didn't even know and had never even seen of pushing his child under a bus? I was a sick and twisted child who eats raw hamburger, that's how horrible I was.

Looking Back

Do you ever think about the shows you watched as a kid? Today, I said to my friend Brandon, "But you don't have to take my word for it...name that show!" To which he said, "Reading Rainbow!" Then I started to wonder whatever happened to that show? So, of course, I googled it. Google is the key to life. I would call it the elixir of life, but you can't drink it and I'm pretty sure you have to be able to drink it for it to be called an elixir. Anything can be called a key, in my opinion, but you don't have to take my word for it! Ha!

Anyway, I googled it, and this is what I found: Click me! The show ran from 1983 to 2009. 26 years! Can you believe that? I loved that show!

Butterfly in the sky, I can go twice as high,
Take a look, it's in a book

I wonder if this is where my love for books began?

One Equals Many

I have a new obsession. I know. I already have so many. How could I possibly have more? Well, I do. I just do. And, it doesn't stop here. I have plenty I haven't written about, and I come up with a new one almost daily so it could be years before I'm done documenting them, but today my obsession is Pier 1 Imports. I never used to shop there. We had one in town years ago, but it closed, and I had never really cared for it anyway. Then a few years ago a new one opened up and I went in there a couple of times, browsed around, but didn't buy anything other than a glass chicken which I gave to my mom for her birthday or something.

This week I've been in there twice!! And both times I came out with lighter pockets. What is the deal (or dill. Jesse swears I pronounce deal as dill)? All of a sudden I am LOVING the Pier 1! On Tuesday I went there and came out with:

The glass on the far right. Just one glass. Not a set. One.

The blue timer. Why do I need this, you ask? I don't. I just thought it was cool. I need help. I really, really need help.

This was an impulse buy as I was checking out. I looked up from the counter and it was right at my eye level, and I thought, "how fabulous would that be in my bathroom???" So, I said to the crazy lady trying to convince me I needed a Pier 1 credit card (yeah, right!!! Imagine what kind of trouble I could get into with one of those!!!) "just a sec," walked right up to it, said, "hello beautiful," and carried it back to the counter to add to my loot.

I also took home on this day a small orange cup and saucer that look a bit like a flower if you view them from the top. I couldn't find a stock photo and I'm way too lazy to go take one myself so just imagine it in your head. I'm sure it will look just like the real deal.

And then...I went to Pier 1 today! My friend Kelly came to visit and we decided to do a little shopping. I mostly needed to go to Lowe's to get some painting supplies for a table refinishing project I'm starting, but I also wanted to hit Pier 1 to pick up this most amazing orange flower I had seen there on Tuesday. I don't have a picture of it either and am once again too lazy to provide one so look at the sun and then pretend it's an orange flower. It works, trust me.

I bought the orange flower, but do you really think I stopped there? Oh no. I didn't.

I also got this glass. Again. Not a set. Just one.

And this clock. I don't have a battery for it. That would have required going to another store.

I also got...I know! Something else! I need help! Please stop me!...a vase. No picture of it either, but it's goldish with red roses on it. I know what you're thinking. Gawdy. Gross. What were you thinking? But, I swear it's gorgeous. I don't buy anything ugly. I know this for a fact so believe it.

What have I learned today?

1. I have a problem. I should probably go to meetings,
2. Pier 1 is addictive, and
3. One does not equal one, it equals many. I went in to buy one flower and came out with a flower, a vase, a glass, and a battery-less clock.

The moral of this story? There isn't one, but let this be a warning to the perils of shopping. It takes your cash, your good sense, and a bit of your sanity, but at least when you're old and crazy from the shopping you'll still have all of the pretty stuff you brought home. Unless you broke it in a fit of rage, and then you'll just be crazy. And poor.

Daddy's Little Girl

Words cannot describe the love between a father and his daughter.

And no matter how old I am I will always be my Daddy's little girl.

I love you Daddy

Bottoms Up

Today, I ran into the corner of my desk...with my rear end.

This thing is always getting in my way. It's so troublesome sometimes. If it weren't so darn cute, I might be mad at it. Ha!

I think everyone should have a part of their body they absolutely love, and I must say, I do love my posterior. It fills out my jeans rather nicely if I do say so myself. So every now and then I forget how far it sticks out and I run it into things, at least it pads my chair.

It also makes a nice resting place for a nap.

You know what else causes me troubles?

The drink.

Believe it or not, I am not all that graceful when sober. Just imagine what happens when I get a few drinks in me...

I start stirring with spatulas! That's what! And my darn rear end runs into everything. Everything!



P.S. I don't really drink all that often and I stir koolaid with whatever is handy...a garden trowel, a hairbrush, whatever. BUT, I truly do love my butt! Ha!

Erin Go Bragh!

Happy St. Patrick's Day to all and to all a good night! Oh wait...it's still the afternoon? Am I that drunk already?!?!

I jest, I jest! How do you like my green? I think I'm safe from any pinchers. Ha!

I absolutely love St. Patrick's Day. It's such a happy day. The sun is shining. People are all decked out in green. Other people aren't and are now howling from the pinches. It's just fabulous! Plus, there's green beer...which I don't really drink, but hey, it looks festive!

I was just sitting here remembering March 17th's of the past and I thought of the first time I heard someone say "Erin Go Bragh!" I think it was my dad, but here's the deal...I heard it like this, "Air and go bra." Yes, that's right, I said bra. As in brassiere. As in over the shoulder boulder holder. As in...yeah, I got nothing. I actually thought women or men for that matter went to stores and purchased bras that could be aired up while on the go. Hey, it beats paying for breast implants!

According to Wikipedia Erin Go Bragh translates to "Ireland Forever" which suits me just fine since I want to go there so, so, so, so badly. Have I even told you the story of how I want to visit Ireland? Hmmm, I can't remember, but I'll check back through the archives and if it's not there I'll be sure to tell it soon. :)

As for tonight, I think I'll pass on the green beer, but I am going to treat myself to a Shamrock Shake and not the fatty one from Mickey D's either. The one I'm having comes straight from the Hungry Girl herself and it's a much healthier version. AND the Hungry Girl is...are you ready for this? Weight Watcher's endorsed!!! Yay!

My mouth is already watering with excitement!

Slainte!

Green is in the Air

I love Spring. Everything is so green. And new. And fresh. And vibrant. And lush. And beautiful. And it's just amazing. I wish it were Spring now. But it's still a bit wintry. And chilly. And dry. And dead looking outside. When I came home from work last Friday, which was actually a beautiful warm sunny day unlike the last couple of days which have been retched, I noticed things are starting to turn green around my yard. So, I walked around taking some pictures of green stuff. I'm sure my neighbors thought I was some kind of nut job while they watched me kneel on the ground and take pictures of weeds, but even the weeds look like life! And after this long, cold winter I'm oh so ready for some life. Some lush, vibrant, green sprigs of life!

These are some type of flower I inherited from the previous owner. I say "some type" because I assume they're daffodils, but I won't know for sure until they bloom...if they bloom... And they're such a pretty green!

And the weeds are green. Just ignore that dead looking stuff...

I know this Adirondack chair isn't green, but I can't wait for warm sunny days so I can hang out in it on my back porch. Please ignore those ugly cracks and that mess of dead stuff. I was too busy taking pictures of weeds to clean it up.

And how cute is this little bird? I followed him around for quite awhile. Free entertainment! Ha!

More green (and purple) weeds poking up through the dead stuff.

I love how my neighbors hang their clothes out on the line! It makes me think of Summers with my grandparents. :)

I can't wait for this tree to be full of beautiful green leaves. It's a very odd tree so full of character and charm.

This tree root which resides dangerously close to my foundation (it better not get any ideas...) is just cool in my opinion so it gets to be portrayed here for your viewing pleasure.

Spring, please come soon. I need you. I crave you. I thrive during your season. I'll be here waiting for you and looking at weeds in the meantime.


P.S. I despise gophers...and their nasty little hills. All. Over. My. Yard.

Chick-uh-fil-ay-uh

I dated an older man once. Shocking? Perhaps, but I think most girls/women at least think about it and some of them, like me, actually do it. He was really quite nice and very kind to me and acted about 30 years younger than he actually was so if you think about it I was robbing the cradle in "mind" years. Ha!

He was a pig farmer (I assume he still is. I don't talk to him anymore because I tend to be a...how shall I put this nicely...? when I'm done with you, you're basically dead to me kind of girl). He was only a few years younger than my parents which didn't seem to bother my dad all that much, but my mom Could. Not. Stand. It. In fact, I think it's safe to say, she hated it. But, what's done is done, and I had made up my mind and there was no stopping me from what I wanted to do at the time.

The only thing I didn't like about the relationship other than his crazy ex-wife who called and left wacko messages on my answering machine were the pigs. I know I told you my dad raises pigs, but he doesn't force me or even really expect me to help out in any way. He would be delighted if I did, but stomping around in smelly poo mud isn't really my cup of tea. With the older man, I guess because I was trying to impress him, I would stomp around in poo mud and help him out. Can I just say guh-ross?! Well, I definitely don't miss this:

At all.

But, I did take one thing with me when the relationship was over, and that is, the way he pronounced Chick-fil-a. Which was like this: Chick-uh-fil-ay-uh. So funny, right? I thought so!

I <3 Chick-uh-fil-ay-uh! And today as I was leaving class walking down the hallway in the classroom building all I could smell were chicken sandwiches and my mouth was a waterfall of excitement! Then I got outside and the smell was like a blast of fresh Spring chciken flavored air! More waterfall mouth antics. Oh my, oh my, I could not stop thinking about the CHICKEN!! So, I got in my car and I went to Chick-uh-fil-ay-uh and I ordered a #5, 8 count with honey mustard and a large UNsweet iced tea. Delicious!

I know what you're thinking, though..."is that really on your WW menu? Should you really be eating that?" The answer is yes!! Everything is on my WW menu as long as I calculate the points plus values and subtract it out of my daily total, and honestly, as far as fast food goes Chick-uh-fil-ay-uh is one of the better ones, points wise.

This is really the only time I have waterfalls of the mouth over chicken, I'm usually a beef eater, but...ok, who am I kidding? I'm an equal opportunity meat eater unless you're a duck and then you can keep your feathers.  

Pants

I have an issue with pants. Saggy pants. Pants not worn around the waist, but hanging halfway down...excuse me, I'm about to use profanity...the ass. I mean, seriously?!?! Who in the world decided pants should be worn practically on the ground? Why wear pants at all if you're going to wear them in such a way that you must hold them up to walk?

Exhibit A: Are they gonna fall??

Disclaimer: Neither the previous picture nor any of the following pictures were taken by me. I do not know the people in them. I just needed some imagery for sagging pants.

I'm sorry if you like to wear your pants hanging halfway to the ground, but it makes you look like a slob. Like someone who doesn't care what they look like. Like someone who has no respect for themselves. Like someone I don't even want to talk to. I have a serious issue with pants people! Have I gotten my point across yet? Pants have a waist for a reason. So you can wear them around your waist. Duh.

I don't care if you have a rockin' body with scrumptious abs to boot, you still look like a dumb dumb with your pants halfway to the ground.

Exhibit B: Pull up your pants! You obviously know where your waist is because you pulled your drawers up that high!

Exhibit C: This one is actually a pic of a garter belt to hold up your sagging pants. So he fits in the hot and ridiculous categoires.

What really gets me is you can buy pre-sagged pants. Do you think I'm kidding? You asked for it...

Exhibit D: I wouldn't pay 2 cents for this ugliness.

I have heard the origin of the sagging pants is prison. The story I heard was if you sagged your pants you were announcing your availability to certain things. I'm sure you don't need me to spell it out for you. However, I'm not altogether sure that's a true statement and according to Wikipedia (who knows if they're telling the truth or not either, but their name rhymes with Encyclopedia and we know how real those things are so I'm going with it) while sagging did originate in prisons it was not to announce your availability for lewd acts, but was actually because the prisoners belts are taken away and without a belt your pants might just fall down. And of course hip-hop (which isn't even real musc in my book) artists wearing saggy pants in their music videos didn't help.

Anyway, in my personal, professional opinion saggy pants are UGLY and should not be worn by anyone on any day of the week. Do you really want to be in my blog because you wore saggy pants like this guy?

I doubt you do, but I'll be watching...